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Sunday, January 9th, 2011

Subject:OMG! I know I haven't posted in SOOOO LONNNG BUT...
Time:12:13 am.
Mood: excited.
I've got like 60ish days until we leave!! I can't BELIEVE how quickly this thing has come along! I bought a wedding dress n now just have to get it altered. I can't WAIT to wear it. We have ALL our reservations now! I KNOW where I will be while I'm in Vegas, NM, Cali and Oregon. So if you are anywhere inbetween San Antonio and Astoria Oregon and would like to see me, nows the time to say lol. I don't think I'll be making any sort of EPIC trip like this in any foreseeable future!!! I'm SOOOO EXCITED!!!! Let me know if you wanna see me n I can work out some details :o)


Kasey took a pic of me in my dress. YES, Im AWARE I'm SUPER FAT (not to mention fairly ugly in this picture)!!! LMAO My GOD WHAT IS my face DOING????? But fats what happens when you can't move anymore. (ETA: I bet not many of my online friends have actually ever SEEN a FULL LENGTH picture of me! Welll... THERE YA GO! I'm beyond giving a shit anymore about who thinks what! YAY!!! Thank GOD I'm "over it!"... ehhh for the most part anyway! Had you asked me three days ago that might not have been my stance hahaha) I went to Costco and Petsmart today n now I'm totally unable to MOVE! It will be a day before I"m able to move again! Imma start working out like a MADWOMAN even IF it KILLS ME!!! and IT MAY! Since I truely am handicaped now lol. I donno what to do about my dress though cause if I lose weight its not gonna fit! The stupid sales lady wanted to sell me a dress that took her, Kasey and an ACT OF GOD to get me into n said to me "oh honey, every bride wants their dress two sizes too small!!" MY GOD!!! NO WONDER SOOOOO MANY PASS OUT!!! NO FREAKING THANK YOU!!!! Ive got a hard enough time breathing with Houstons air quality and my asthma! I DON'T NEED a dress that I'm SQUEEZED into to make me feel like SHIT on one of the most exciting days of my life!!! Forget that! I'll take looking like a big ol fluffy marshmellow over passing out ANY DAY!!! We got new rings too! WEll, mine is not really NEW NEW. The setting is new and we added two diamonds to my old diamond from my Gmas ring. We wanted my old ring to be part of the new ring so thats how we did it. Matt never actually had a ring with our marraige so he has one now... well not till our renewal really but he will be wearing it after that. We decided it would be bad bad luck to wear the rings now before the wedding so we are not wearing any rings. Im wearing a ring I had because honestly after 15yrs of wearing my ring I feel NAKED without it!

Here is our rings....I feel the need to mention that the one wonky diamond isnt really wonky at all and thats just that way in the picture because of light refracting and angle blah blah whatever. I promise its all AMAZING! I couldn't be more happy with my new bigger lil diamond ring lol. Don't ask me "how many karrats" because I have NO CLUE! hahaha! I never asked though in hindsight since everyone is asking, I should've! I only know it took me FOREVER digging thru a lil jar of diamonds for like an HOUR to pick out the other two to go with my one. As long as I'm confessing... I had an urge to DRINK/SWALLOW all those diamonds just to see what would happen!!! HAHAHAHA!

Arent they the BEES KNEES??? I had my ring custom made by this KICK ASS jeweler!! It is called Wrights Pawn on Westheimer if you're here in the Houston area. They're right near Voss and Westheimer. AWESOME PLACE!!! The jewelers name is Connie and she is AMAZING!!! The owner Pamala Wright was SOOOO SOOO NICE! She made me feel SUPER important when all I was doing was having a little 1500$ ring made and we bought a lil 500$ band for Matt and she made us FEEL like we were spending a MILLION $$$s! She was JUST SO NICE! It wasjust such a great experience and I'm so glad we chose them.

Pamala was excited for us because her and Mr Wright (or is it mr right??? lmao) were married in Vegas so she was excited to hear we're renewing for our 15th anniversary in Vegas. Im starting to get really nervous about the whole thing because I've never really been away from my family and this time I'll be gone for a LONNNNNNG TIME andd will DEFINITELY be away! I'm sure it'll all work out though! CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT! YAY!
5 added lbsmake me arph

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

Subject:Sometimes finding an old friend is sad
Time:4:08 am.
I found Duckie's first mom on Facebook. I added her and she added me. Then I had the sad task of letting her know Duckie had passed away. I knew it'd break her heart. I told her everything and everything I did to save her. I told her about our trips to the cardiologist and everything. She wrote me back and...

here's what she said and some pics too...Collapse )
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Monday, June 22nd, 2009

Subject:Dear Duckie
Time:5:04 am.
Mood: lonely.
Duckie (AKA Duchess Delilah Fritsche)
Jan. 7, 2004 - June 17, 2009

(just so you don't worry, I took this pic like last year or something and she's only SLEEPING in this pic. In fact, the pics title is "DuckieDogSleeping" ok?)

While you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to, I hope you know somebody loves you......Collapse )
4 added lbsmake me arph

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

Subject:Writer's Block: Call Me
Time:2:34 am.
Mood: anxious.
Do you still use a landline at home, or do you rely completely on your cell phone?
We only have cell phones in my house. I have TWO cell phones (both for personal use) One for (data) texting, internet, email and IM's (I can also talk on it but I HATE talking on THAT phone which is why I have...) a SECOND phone to TALK ON. Both have unlimited talk and texting but my data phone has unlimited data. My daughter has the same data phone I have as her (only) phone and my hubby has just a plain old flip phone. No land line for ages! Internet and home security is thru the cable company. It takes the need for a landline out completely. The only bad thing is if I need to call 911 they don't know where I am. I've registered my address thru my cell company so if I do ever need to call I might have a better chance of living because they have my addy on file. But, my home alarm system has a key fob with a panic botton on it wahoo! Can you tell I'm paranoid? lol
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Sunday, February 15th, 2009

Subject:Why is god punishing me?
Time:2:58 am.
Mood: crushed.
I have lost a lot lately. It seems it all has happened since I decided to give god another shot. All this god does is TAKE and TAKE. I'm DONE! DONE DONE DONE!

I loved you from the moment I saw you. You were playful and shy at the same time. I remember how skiddish you were for the longest time and how any lil noise would make you jump 10ft in the air. How we laughed and laughed. How you eventually realized no one would ever hurt you again. I loved how you greated me every moring with you're cute lil meow. I loved how you were ALWAYS the first to greet me at the door every time I came home. I loved your chunky body, your big bones, your huge paws and gianormous eyes! I loved the swirls on your side. I loved how you were so big but your voice totally reminded me of Mike Tyson. I loved how you let me bathe you every week and never complained or tried to bite me, scratch me or ANYTHING. Though I only got to have you in my life for a short 7 years, I loved every minute of that time with you. You've been a very good kitty and your family will miss you so very much. I'm so sorry that I couldn't make you better. I'm so sorry that we made you go thru surgery and it didn't help. I hope that you didn't suffer too much. I hope we did the right thing. I wish I knew if you thought I made the right decission this morning (sat morning) when I took you to the ER. I hope I did it right. I will miss you my lil bowling ball Buddah boy! I love you Lunar I love you so much. I hope you forgive me for not seeing that you were sick sooner. I'm so sorry I'm soo so sorry! :o( I hope you loved the life we gave you as much as we loved having you in our lives. Even if only for such a short time. You will be missed so much. Way more than you probably know.
I'm also sorry I don't have a better pic to memorialize you by but since I don't have a comp right now this was the best I could do buddy.

Lunar Graystack Melville

I hope your havin a great time wherever you are now. Chasing birds, mice and lizzards. Playing with Thomas, Smog, Runkus, and ZZ. Say "hi" for me! Love you n miss you lots already my Luna Goona! :o*
6 added lbsmake me arph

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

Subject:Do you smell what I smell?
Time:8:31 pm.
Mood: and hot!!!.
If you've ever wondered what the aftermath of a hurricane smells like, I can tell you, it smells like burning gasoline. The gasoline used to fuel the generators that litter the lawns of all my neighbors... and their neighbors neighbors... and mine too.
Day 12 and no sign that Centerpoint is doing much of anything to correct 1.4 million people still without power. A third of this city doesn't have power. I think that's a pretty big damn deal.
Today was less humid (49% humidity) and I'm able to handle it better. I pray for tomorrow to be so kind. Even though the high was 89* it felt much cooler to me without the air being so thick. Thick and sticky! I'm SICK of sweating which I didn't do today so, I can be greatful for the break.
Estimated power restoration was Monday and since they didn't meet that deadline they added a new one of Thursday. Guess what they did today though? They moved that deadline to FRIDAY. I'll belive it when I see it! I have no faith that they will meet that deadline either. Their track record isn't so good.
Tonight I'll be able to sleep. With temps in the low 60s and FAR less humidity it will actually be pleasent.... aside from the mosquitos that is.
I grilled some pineapple for my lunch today. It was totally yummy. I recommend it to anyone grilling any time soon. I'll be grilling again tonight lol. I won't be having pineapple again though. Probably yet another round of hot dogs. YAY! *sarcasm*
My sister said she thinks the heat is getting to me. I'm acting "crazy" she said. I'm SUPER dehydrated so I probably AM "crazy." No matter how much I drink I just sweat it right back out. That's another reason I'm greatfull for the lower humidity. I actually think 95* would be ok if the humidity was this low. Its GLORIOUS weather! I envy those of you who live in less humid climates.
No I don't plan to move. Plenty of people live in Cali where earthquakes happen with the same frequency as these hurricanes. The difference is that we can leave before it hits but Cali has no warning. I wish there was a way to predict earthquakes though. Anyway, I'm not leaving because a storm hits here once every 25 years. That's kinda retarded to even consider. We'd have to buy a new house and everything. Matt would have to find a new job... its just not smart. I'm fine to live here and have a storm once in a long while. I only pray that NEXT TIME this city is actually prepared to fix the things that break. My hometown took a lesson from Rita and was super prepared and after the storm. They've already got 97% of allll their total customers, in their entire area including about 20 towns, back online with power, but not us nooooo!
UGH! I KNOW that I'm soooo damn pissy and "dooms day" lately but I can't help it. I'm SICK of living like this. As are the other 1.4 million right along with me. :o(
Just please pray that I (and everyone else) get power back SOON!
You should see the news stories. There was one lastnight about a guy that is "95 years young" and dealing with no power. Its sooooo sad! Lastnight was the first I've seen of TV. We hooked the cable box up to the generator and it ACTUALLY WORKED!!! Ohhhhh I was so EXCITED! TV!!! CIVILIZATION!!!! I'm happy for sure!
Thanks again for being supportive I really appreciat it oodles :o)
1 added lbmake me arph

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

Subject:10 days later
Time:5:04 pm.
Mood: hot.
We STILLLLL don't have power!!! Its been 10 days since Ike hit and they still haven't restored our electricity. I am one of exactly 100 people in my neighborhood who do not have thei power restored. Personally I think its complete and utter BULL SHIT! My mom, who lives in the middle of NO WHERE and my sister who lives way out, have power again. They had told them itd be 8weeks before they had power and they have it before me. I live right outside of downtown Houston. Its to the point of ridiculousness!
Matts company says they aren't going to give them any sort of makeup pay for not being able to go to work because they were without power. My sisters company, who isn't as good of a company as Matts, is giving her two weeks disaster pay. WALMART paid Matt a little disaster pay. But this multi-million $$ company isn't gonna do anything. OK they DID do ONE thing... they let Matt borrow a generator and gave him some gas for it. But, its not very big and won't run the AC. Its soooooooo friggen hot right now! I'm just sick and tired of being so hot and sweaty. My pants stick to me constantly, its REALLY annoying! Matt is back to work now (thank goodness cause we need the $$) so I don't get to get out of this heat during the day.
Mosquitos are TERRIBLE!!! Since we have the windows open (the windows that WILL open that is!) they are eating us alive! I'm hoping my dogs don't end up with heartworms because I haven't taken them to get their new supply of heartgard. Its been a couple of months since they've had it :o( I keep spraying them with spray hoping they won't get bitten. They also need some Comfortis and Advantage or at the VERY least just Advantage. I'd settle for even just some Sentinal. I feel like a bad pet owner. Since I don't have a car though I'm having a hard time getting them to see a vet. Hell, I have a hard enough time getting myself to the dr to get my triplicate refill RXs so that I don't end up in withdrawal and in the hospital.
Anyway I'm off track now. They told me I'd have power by the end of today..... we'll see. I'll believe it when I see it. Honestly I've got no hope of actually having power ever again. Am I being dramatic? Its STUPID! Fourth largest city in the entire US and I'm living like a HOMELESS person with a home. If we lived here with no power under any other situation the city would condem the house and deem it "unfit." Yet when its their fault (not really the city but Reliant/Centerpoint) its like no big damn deal. I'm just SICK of being sweaty!!!!!
My garbage man is the biggest piece of shit alive! This is the second week in a row he is CHOOSING not to pick up my trash. EVERYONE elses trash gets picked up. There is still debris everywhere its hard to put the trash can where there is NOTHING at all near it. He COULD pick it up. He just is too lazy to make the little tiny bit of extra effort to get it. What am I supposed to do with 3 weeks of garbage? I called our 311 hotline thing and bitched but those people don't care. She told me if there is debris and he "feels unsafe" he has a right to not pick it up. She actually told me to haul my trash down the street for him. UMMMM hello stupid ignorant piece of shit... I PAY a LOT for waste disposal and they need to actually DO IT. I should call and have them take it off my bill. In fact I think I will call and have them bring me another trash can since they aren't picking it up. I'm just REALLY frustrated with my city right now. There is a HUGE oak tree in the middle of the road (a few houses down) because they just aren't doing anything to remove any debris from the hurricane. I paid someone to remove the tree from my yard that was in the middle of the road. I'm fed up to here *puts my hand wayyyyyy over my head* FED UP!!!!!!
I hate being so whiney and complaining so much. I'm just soooo hot. I know I've already said that but its like 100* inside my house with those few windows open and at night even with a fan going its hard to sleep cause the fan is only pushing all that hot sticky air around. I can't use a blanket and I'm only wearing a wife beater shirt to bed. I'm constantly spraying myself down, with a mixture of ice water and alcohol, at night to get a lil cooler. All that does is end out making me even more sticky and hot lol. I had to throw out 100's of dollars worth of food because the power was off for so long. I lost EVERTHING (except my liquor) in my frige/freezer.
My truck got flooded so Imma see if maybe I can get money for it lol. I know it wasn't working before but ya... it would be nice, especially since Matts not getting any make-up pay. They did say he could borrow from his next years sick pay and vacation pay to help but, that's all they'll do.
OK, I'm sorry this is so long again. I'll try not to post such long posts but I'm really frustrated and need to vent. *hugs* Thanks again for "listening" to me whine and complain :o)
1 added lbmake me arph

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

Subject:Sorry its taken me so long to reply!
Time:12:29 am.
Mood: Depressed, worried, terrible!.
Its REALLY hard to get an internet connection on my Sidekick right now. Everyone is hoging up the bandwith or whatever this technology is use for their internet.

Thank you so much. Really theres not much anyone who's not Centerpoint, Comcast, a gas station WITH gas AND electricity or FEMA, can do. That lady did leave with her babies so its all good :o) We go for drive in the car to stay cool. Sunday (I think it was sun cause everything is merging together now) it rained again and gave us a river in the front yard and the street in front of my house. So we couldn't get out till the water went back down. Its actually cold at night now YAY!!! Its 61* at night and 85ish* during the day. We still have high humidity but at least its cooler!

After I asked "whoever is out there" to please spare me please please let my family be ok. I donno, I may have to rethink my prior religion. *shrug* Thanks for thinking/wishing me good thoughts though :o)

We go for drives and stay cool that way. Like I told Laurie though, its a lot cooler so we're ok with the heat situation. For now anyway lol. Thanks for the idea!

Sorry I just decided to go on and on. Probablt cause I'm bored and REALLY depressed :o(Collapse )
4 added lbsmake me arph

Saturday, September 13th, 2008

Subject:I made it
Time:11:52 pm.
Mood: cranky.
We are fine. We lost a lot of tree limbs and our gorgeous Crape Myrtle that had been in our front yard for over 100 years. I'm really just sick about it. My father in law has told me he will buy me TWO new trees to plant in my front yard. I was really happy about that at least.
We have no power. It keeps coming on and all my neighbors scream and whoop and whatnot then it goes back out and I hear them all scream again but, in dissapointment this time.
Its really really hot and humid.I really just want a fan. One of my neighbors has a gernerator and I'm totally jealous. I tried to talk Matt into going out to buy a gernerator but he doesn't want to spend the money. I just heard on the radio that 20 THOUSAND people are without power in my tiny little zip code (77009). I really HATE the fact that it keeps coming on for like five mins and then something else blows and it goes right out again. If its gonna be off just STAY OFF and stop giving me false hope. They're telling us it could be WEEKS before our power comes back on for good. I'm HOTTTTTT! I'm just really a total BITCH when I'm hot. I feel really sorry for Matt cause he has to deal with me.
I have food like PB&J, bread, tuna and water so we aren't starving or anything. I got 2 bags of ice and two days before the storm hit I froze about 40 bottles of water then put them in a cooler with the ice. So at least I have cold drinks. These won't last forever though. My candles are also not going to last much longer. When I have no more candles I won't be able to see at night. My house is starting to get stinky because of the animals. They're sweating and smelling gross so the house is stinking. I just REALLY need some power to get some air circulation in here. I have my windows cracked a lil but I can't open the bottom half (my windows open from the bottom or the top) of my windows because my cats would get out thru the bottom. There is no wind anyway so its not gonna be cooler anyway.
You guys did such a good job praying for us to live thru it, I thought maybe you could pray for everyone to get power again. There are a lot of families who don't have a lot of money but have freezers and friges full of food that will, if not already, go bad soon. Some people have newborn babies (like my neighbors who have premie twins) with no power. There are elderly people who will have heat strokes if they don't get some cool air soon. I'm just really worried everyone will be without power for weeks and weeks like Centerpoint is telling us could be the case. Temps get near the 100s during the day with 95% humidity right now. Its just way too hot to live like this for any amount of time. Just please do some "power" praying for us.
Thanks everyone ;o)
6 added lbsmake me arph

Time:3:09 am.
Mood: scared.
I'm in the middle of the hurricane right now. Not the MIDDLE MIDDLE (as in the eye) but the middle of the beginning. We have no power. Its HOT, I'm SCARED and I feel like Imma throw up! I think I'm having that "fight or flight" feeling. All I want to do is go out my front door and run and run and run till I I SOMEWHERE..... ANYWHERE but right here right now. God help me... I promised to go to church sunday.... I swore to god I'd finish my "what matters most" book my mom gave me. I JUST want this over with. Please pray for me! Actually.... pray for all of us that are in this!
5 added lbsmake me arph

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

Time:11:26 pm.
Mood: lethargic.
Can someone explain to me why co-dependancy is bad? I mean I know people say its not good and OK I get that but what makes it so bad?
2 added lbsmake me arph

Subject:Is it a Texas thing?
Time:3:43 pm.
Mood: curious.
We have this milk here called "Promised Land." It comes in glass bottles, is hormone free and used to be unpasteurized. The bottles used to have a paper/wax cap on it but they got plastic caps a few years ago. Stores used to take the used glass bottles back and give you 1$ per bottle. For some reason stores don't take the bottles back now... as far as I know. I wish they would cause I REALLY HATE throwing away so many good glass bottles that could be resterilized and used again. I'd give them back for free if there was a place that would take them. Also, Promised Land milk is, HANDS DOWN, the best milk in the world! The Midnight Chocolate Reduced Fat 2% Milk is the BEST choc milk in the universe! I find that when I take my Roxicodone with their choc milk it actually works better for me. I guess its because of the way the pills are metabolized with the fats or something in the milk. I have a glass of milk with a banana twice a day now. I'm actually losing weight and I'm not ever hungry or "hungry." I know that makes no sense to anyone but me lol. On the back of the bottle there is a bible verse... "He Brought us to this place and gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey. Deuteronomy 26:9" We also have a pie company called Edwards that puts scripture on the bottom of the pie tins. Is that not the most bizarre thing? Do other states have food with scriptures on it? Is this just a Texas thing?
7 added lbsmake me arph

Thursday, June 12th, 2008

Subject:Terroristic Fist Bumps
Time:12:20 am.
Mood: pissed off.
E.D. Hill is a moron! She called the Obama's loving jester, of bumping fist when he'd won the nomination, a "terroristic fist bump." A, how can a fist bump be a sign of terrorism? And B. When is racism exceptable in SO CALLED journalism? She may as well shave her head, gain fifty lbs, get an oxycontin addiction and call herself Rush. I'm just really annoyed >:oO
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Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

Time:5:00 pm.
Mood: relieved.
If you read my entry lastnight about my neighbors dog, I wanted y'all to know that Molly is fine. She's got a fracture in her paw just as I suspected. She'll be coming home tonight. I'm going over to see her later on. I'm so happy it wasnt more serious. WHEW!
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Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

Time:9:46 pm.
Mood: shocked.
My neighbors dog just got run over right in front of me. The neighbor was out in her yard talking with our other neighbors. Her dog ran in the street (after her ball I think) and a car just smashed right into her. The neighbor screamed, we all ran to Molly (the dog). Lucky for Molly I could only find lacerations on her paw. I felt no broken bones (except maybe her 2nd toe right front paw) and no back/neck injuries. I'm sure they will xray. Her color was fine and she drank. She wasn't in shock or going into shock. I hope she's ok. I was so fucking scared. I'm still shaking. I've seen plenty of emergencies but its never been a dog I know so well. I tried really hard not to cry because I get so upset when they hurt. Often at work I'd have to not cry because it hurts me to see any animal in pain. I miss all my regular patients. I'll not get to see Stumpy die. He is a cat I treated every day for renal failure. I found a huge lump on his jaw the dr totally overlooked cause she didn't care which turned out to be (as I'd told the dr) a bigas sarcoma. I love Stumpy and I'll miss him. Maybe its good I won't have to see him die. I'm attached after a year of seeing him nearly every day. I hate those bitches at work. All the clients always told Page (the office manager) how much they loved me and how they knew their animals felt comforted by me. Its the one thing I know that's good about me. Animals love me and trust me. Freddy always just left those slip on leashes on the dogs and they'd twist on n get tighter and tighter and I'd BEG him to PLEASE not leave those on the dogs. He's scared of being bitten and that's why he woulldnt take them off. I've been bitten three time by a dog in my life and not once was it because I was helping them. All three times were German Shephards and all three times I was little and they just decided biting me would be fun. I donno. I wanna be Cesar Millan and like help people understand dogs and help dogs with whatever bothers them. I have no qualifications for that though. Anyway I'm rambling now.
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Monday, April 14th, 2008

Subject:I'm jobless
Time:9:19 am.
Mood: depressed.
So ya, they fired me after a year of having me work there. The office managers EXACT words were "you're just too little to do this job." Hello stupid bitch, thats called DISCRIMINATION! Everyone is trying to talk me into getting a lawyer. I don't want to deal with all that shit with them. Three days before they fired me the Dr I teched for said "you are so slow filling out things! Are you dyslexic?" I said "yes I am, is that a problem for you? I have 20 whole mins till the blood is finished spinning and its taken me MAYBE 1 min to fill out this form. I think we're good for now don't you?" There was NOTHING else to do at that time. Just cause she didn't have control over filling out the form she was going to insult me by calling me retarded. Little did she know I AM actually dyslexic. Then to fire me and say its cause I'm too short! Thats fucking ridiculous! Tell me I suck at my job or something but NOT because I'm too short. They put an add out for my job about three months ago. I thought they were going to hire another person because I was doing the work of three people. The Dr is a lesbian and so is her girlfriend that works there. Not that I care but, its relavant cause the girl they hired so they could fire me is a lesbian too. They have a guy there thats been there 20yrs and does NOTHING. Now they'll have a girl there that does NOTHING too just like the other girl they hired (also a lesbian) who sits in the office (she's supposed to be a tech) doing NOTHING all day and only keeps her job cause she's a lesbian. That place only stays in buisness because of the Dr that owned the clinic before. The Dr who owns it now works a WHOLE two days a week and can't handle that. I was the ONLY one working there for over 60hrs a week till it made me sick then they half fired me. They had always treated me like shit. Like an outsider who wasn't part of their lil group. I'm GLAD to be gone. Now the trouble is I'm so messed up health wise that I can't work more than 20ish hrs a week and NO ONE will hire me for that. I'm not wanting to go back to the job I love cause I'm not big enough to hold the animals. Its not fair I find something I like and now I can't do it. I don't know what to do now. I'm in constant pain from my back and body. I feel like nails are being driven into my spine and just working a lil totally wears me out. I'm just sick of everything. Since the economy is totally fucked I have NO CHOICE but to get some sort of stupidass retarded job. I'll have to leave my dog at home where she'll most likely die by herself cause shes sick. I can't take her to work to be there when she does finally die. I hate these people at that clinic! They have ruined EVERYTHING! I should have quit long before now because I KNEW they'd fire me for some bullshit reason eventually. I'm just fucked and I don't even begin to know where I'm supposed to look for a job. I called my Rehabilitation caseworker but he's not there now and they didn't even want to talk to me much less help me. I'm in a horrible place in life right now and I can't afford to even go to therapy now. Whatever, I don't even care anymore. I probably deserve all this for some reason. I'm sure I did something wrong to deserve this now.

So apparently, I've spoken to every agency in the us about firing me stating I was "too little" to do my job and the fact that thre days before that the comment about my being dyslexic, there is nothing ANYONE can do because this clinic employes less than 15 people. I can still file a civil suit against them but, why do I even want to bother? She could have said ANYTHING! Say "your performance is slacking off" or "you havent been doing your job to our satisfaction." But, NO, she said "you're just too little." I'm so pissed! The really worst part is I had no clue I was going to be fired. I had asked her straight up if she had plans to fire me. I'd been offered a job at another clinic 5 mins from my house and worked there for 3 days to try it out but decided that the free vet care I had at the other clinic was worth staying there for. I am an idiot plain and simple!
2 added lbsmake me arph

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008

Subject:Work, Hey Jude, whatever
Time:2:06 pm.
Mood: drained.
"And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder."

This is one of my all time favi Beatles songs. I was singin it to a dog the other day at work and I just started crying. I cry every time I hear this song. I think its cause my dad used to sing me to sleep with it. I never really see him anymore. I need to invite him to dinner now and then. I miss my daddy!
I got a new job at a new clinic but, I cried every night after work so I quit and decided to stay with the place I'm at. I smelled like chemicals, there was nothing going on there, they didn't even have a clinic cat to make the place seem more like home. Nothing was right about it. They told me I couldnt bring Duchess if they decided she shouldn't be there. One of the main things I HAVE to have is Duchess where I can watch her and make sure she's not dying. When we were super full on spring break I bought Duchess n no one told me I couldn't bring her. They wanted me to work 6 days a week again and I'd told them from the beginning that I had no desire to work more than 2-3 days a week. It was just not a good situation for me at all. I have a new appreciation for my workplace. I'll do what Henry (the old guy that I work with) says "just do your job and don't worry about everyone else." So, I'll try not to let people get to me *coughcoughfreddycoughcough* and just be happy that my workplace is actually a decent place.... I guess.
make me arph

Monday, February 18th, 2008

Subject:Cookin with the Gabster
Time:1:59 pm.
Mood: chipper.
We made this soup ~~>http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_119755,00.html. She chopped celery, peeled and chopped potatoes, she stirred, she coated, we have a super good time :o) She told me I need my own show on the Food Network lmao. I want to cook with her more often. She never wanted to do it before, now all the sudden she's all about cooking with me. She has a Drs appt. today and so do I at like the exact same time so, her Mimi took her to her appt. She started crying because she thought she'd miss eating the soup she worked so hard on. I promised I'd bring her some because tonight is also her night to stay at Mimis. Its the only way she can get to school and I can get to work on time on the days I work. Thank the lorf I don't have to work so much so she can actually LIVE at home where she BELONGS! I hated having her at the inlaws so freaking much! I wish I could quit work altogether but, unfortunately since I got sick I've got so many meds and Drs I have to pay for. Isn't it stupid that work makes me sick and I have to work so I can pay my medical bills? Isn't that some sort of retarded circle? I got a job offer at a cat hospital but I doubt I could take my dogs to work with me and I'm REALLY allergic to cats especially! RARR!
Gabby cooking... yes it IS a mess! and I don't care :oP

Cool Pics! If ya wanna look that is :o)Collapse )
make me arph

Friday, December 28th, 2007

Subject:ok pics then
Time:10:32 am.
Mood: contemplative.
OK so its either these boots

or this....

Orrrrr this....

Mandy (moonlightfaerie) Says "get them all!" I suggested she buy them for me then and she says "Maybe just get one?" lol Then she changed her mind completely and said Matt should buy them for me cause I deserve them. She's right but for now lets pick which one I want FIRST :oD
ETA: I thought I'd show y'all pics of Mandy's BB Cierra. Mandy used to chat with us in the ED room (neonangel4002 or something like that I don't remember #'s that well). (EDITED OUT TMI) I go see her as much as I can but she lives practically in Louisiana and its not a short drive. I'm planning to go next week when I'm off thurs and fri. After all I'm Cierra's Aunt Mandi :oD

3 added lbsmake me arph

Monday, December 10th, 2007

Subject:oh ya...
Time:2:45 pm.
Mood: cold.
I got Implanon. Good times! Everyone keeps asking me if I was bitten by a dog cause I guess if you're creative it might look that way with all the crazy bruising. Its kinda funny, They stick it in your arm with a thing that looks a LOT like what we use to inject micro chips into dogs. I told Gabby it was a "government tracking device" LMAO. Matt told her it was so mommy and daddy didn't have anymore babies and she said "Why? am I so horrible that you don't want the possibility of another me?" I was like "no you're so GREAT that there can only be ONE YOU!" She's goofy lol.
make me arph

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